A friend asked me to write a letter for her daughter’s 16th birthday sharing any wisdom I’ve cultivated since I was a teenager. Of course, I’ve learned a lot since those boy-crazy days when I plastered my bangs with toxic amounts of Aqua Net hairspray so they perched upright like a cockatoo’s fanciful plume. The hair didn’t attract many suitors but I like to think that the birds were flattered by my attempt to imitate their artful style.
Eventually, I learned not to imitate anyone. Moreso, I learned there was no reason to. People are as different as cats (or dogs if that’s your thing) and each one is worthy of love. It doesn’t matter that some people have better pedigree or grooming. Be yourself were words of wisdom worth imparting.
Yet, that advice felt overly simplistic considering that life is a constant becoming. Besides, I didn’t always know who I was to simply be that person. Like an orange when it’s taken apart, I was made up of different segments that individually didn’t always seem to fit together. It took time to unpeel the layers and see how all those different truths about who I am create the whole. Allowing time to uncover and piece together one’s true self wouldn’t be such bad advice either.
But then I remembered how impatient I was to figure life out now. I was certain that if I just knew who I was supposed to be, what I was supposed to do, or how much longer it would take to get to that place where life didn’t feel so prickly I could exhale and enjoy the ride. What I’ve learned is sometimes the ride gets bumpy, veers off track, and hits a dead end by some spooky field that you once saw in a horror movie. You don’t have to enjoy all of it. You won’t. Breathe anyway.
Still, I’m not a Lamaze or yoga instructor, so I don’t feel qualified to give breathing advice. I did write a book about God’s merciful compassion and how life-giving it is when we share it with others. I could encourage her to think of the times in her life when she was struggling and how something as small as a kind word brought comfort. It might be hard to convey the power of such simple mercies when we live in a world that highlights and rewards status, power, prestige, and the glorification of self. Besides, love, forgiveness, and compassion are such lofty words floating like incense to the spires of an ornate cathedral or so overused that their meaning is reduced and blunted into a modifier for a great-looking pair of jeans. In reality, the actions of love, forgiveness, and compassion originate with the lowliest, the most undeserved, and the overlooked. By going where needs are the greatest, we inexplicably, miraculously, rise higher.
I couldn’t tell her all that though without including an addendum acknowledging that love and service, like most simple things, are sometimes the hardest to do. They require patience. Humans are messy, complicated, and universally imperfect, and it often goes against our instinct to put someone else’s needs before our own. It would be the best gift I could give her or anyone else though if I could somehow convey mercy’s power to change lives and how doing so indelibly changes your own for the better, too. I don’t know if there’s anything wiser than that, but birthday or not, it’s worth celebrating.
I suppose someone could have told me all of these things when I was sixteen, but I don’t think I would have understood. Possibly, I had brain damage from the hairspray fumes I inadvertently inhaled trying to make my straight hair defy gravity. Or maybe the best lessons are the ones we learn ourselves. All I really know is that life is a gift, and the best way to celebrate by loving others.
Hi all ~ What strikes me most recently about life is how much I have changed. Not only in small ways, like which products I love and what styles I wear but in more significant ways, too, like my relationship with God and what I value most. If there were one way to sum it up, it would be to go to God for the answers because even though circumstances, plans, and our very selves change, his constancy remains, and he will always have our best interests at heart. If you are comfortable sharing, I would love to know what life wisdom you have accumulated. Please share!
P.S. – This is Mack celebrating his fourth birthday, but his first with us! Lord, help me to be the person my dog thinks I am.
