I was talking to Jesus one night before bed and told him that his will for my life appears fairly willy-nilly. What are we really doing here, God? This? That? Does it even matter? It’s as if he thinks I can read the signs he sends. I can’t even read a map much less fold one, so why he thinks I can discern his will is a mystery to me. Still, I come back to that longing to know. It’s like a kid the night before their birthday trying to figure out what their gifts will be. It’s a sleepless mix of exhilaration and anticipation and longing for the relief of just knowing. What a gift the knowing would be.
The next morning, my son had an appointment to have his high school senior pictures taken. I had reminded him the night before that mama doesn’t iron and he needed to have his clothes ready. When I saw him half-dressed in a half-ironed shirt, I was wholly annoyed. He explained that he had ironed his shirt and the wrinkles weren’t coming out. He said he was going to wear it a bit and that would make the wrinkles come out. Lord Jesus, I am supposed to send this child to college in a year? I told him to give me the shirt and I would iron it.
It’s not that I am unwilling to iron, it’s just that most things that have to do with domesticity fail me. The day before I texted a friend to ask how long to boil corn (10 minutes). It’s frustrating to do things that we aren’t good at. When I was a little girl, all I wanted to be when I grew up was a stay-at-home mom. I know in today’s world that is terribly lame but that was my wish, my will. While I’ve been able to do that and mostly love it, I can’t say I am particularly good at it. So, there I was ironing the already-ironed shirt wondering why the heat and the pressing and the willing weren’t working. Since we were running short on time, I called a friend for advice. She reminded me she was in a different time zone and still asleep. I explained my domestic emergency and necessary disregard for her slumber. She suggested that I spray the shirt with water. It turns out the spray bottle under my sink is a mix of soap and water so when I sprayed the shirt it bubbled up like a wound doused in peroxide. I just can’t imagine things like this happening to June Cleaver.
In the end, I was able to get his shirt ironed to an acceptable level of mediocrity, but it didn’t matter because right before we left he changed shirts anyway. The experience made me think about my prayer the night before, the urgency we sometimes feel to have the answers, the frustration of knowing there are stubborn wrinkles even when we get exactly what we hoped for, and the peace of accepting that God’s will is like those gifts I longed to open as a child – still a mystery.
What about you? Do you feel like you are still discerning God’s will for your life? Did you ever get what you want and wonder how it can still be so messy? Did you know it takes 10 minutes to boil corn?! (Also, I hear if you add milk, it sweetens it. Look at me, doling out cooking tips!)
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I didn’t know how long it takes to cook corn, I wing it every time I make it.
Read Amy’s comment below! 10 minutes may be too long! Maybe we should just buy frozen!
Miss Lara, your blog always has a way of hitting so close to my heart and making me feel so not alone in this big, crazy world of ours. Thank you for taking the time to write and share with us. You truly are a special person!
And, I enjoyed spending this past weekend with you…you always have a way of bringing out smiles and laughter in all of us!
Thank you for your generous words, sweet friend. You know they mean so much. It was such a beautiful and fun weekend of service. Besides having to amputate my right leg, I would say it was perfect! And, thank you for the donut it made my heart full!
Milk? 2 Tablespoons of sugar is a better bet. 10 minutes? That’s too long unless you’re doing a dozen ears (and who has a pot that big?) 5-7 minutes is plenty but the microwave is easier! 3 minutes. I have no idea what God’s will is but I can cook ?
Amy your comment is hysterical. I think you might need to host a cooking show for people like me! I need some more instructions on microwaving corn – I haven’t heard of that? I assume in water?!
Amy your comment cracked me up! If I had been eating corn while I read it I would have had to spit it out! I think you may need to host your own cooking show for people like me – the microwave is right up alley! (Although, I have never heard of microwaving corn other than to reheat)
Girl, i so get you!!! What is my purpose?? Is it time to grow up?? Do you want me where i am?? So many questions!!
Lol, Tricia. I have seen you in the classroom. You are on point with your purpose and no, it’s NOT time for you to grow up! You can’t deprive of us of all that fun!
I’m almost 72 and can’t figure it out. But I trust God to guide me. When I was in my 20s I didnt think often of God but somewhere along the line, I realized how important it was to depend on Him. I still don’t hear His voice but I do know that I am mostly on the right path.
God bless you.
Helene, It’s actually comforting to know you still don’t have it figured out – like maybe we aren’t supposed too or maybe our discernment is in the small every day and we think it has to be bigger. I think you are on the right path too because your comment helped illuminate my own. Thank you 🙂