Selfie: Seeking to Understand

I didn’t grow up with social media. I handwrote notes on notebook paper and folded them into small squares to pass to my friends. I took a picture with cameras that didn’t make phone calls and it was months before I bothered to get the film developed. I didn’t take 10 iterations of the same pose because film was expensive. I just smiled and said “cheese” and that was that.

Fast-forward like an obsolete VCR to thirty years later, and now we can take pictures of ourselves. The “selfie” has become an art form that I imagine an anthropologist in another millennium will discover and muse about our culture’s fascination with taking pictures of oneself with puckered lips and wagging tongues.

If I sound cynical, it’s only because I’m jealous that I’m not skilled at taking a good selfie. Last summer when I was on a quest to eat as many McDonald’s ice cream cones as possible, I took countless selfies with my ice cream in an effort to chronicle the frozen lactose journey that I was sure would eventually have profound meaning. I thought it would be cute and peppy because ice cream is universally appealing – apparently, that is until you put my face next to it. Then it becomes a deranged geometry lesson trying to formulate the precise intersection of the askew angle of my face with the triangular cone where I don’t look like an idiot. I didn’t have the patience to solve the equation because, for the love of God, I just wanted to eat my ice cream.

So, now I only do selfies when necessary and I usually put my hand over my face or try to superimpose the cat’s head over mine to make it more aesthetically pleasing. This still feels cumbersome but I’m much happier with the results. What I realized during my brief selfie sojourn is that looking effortless and spontaneous is not only a lot of work, it can cause us to miss the bigger picture.

When Jesus lived among us, things were also not as they appeared. He lived as a carpenter, not as a king. He didn’t fit the image of royalty. He was humble and kind at a time when people were conditioned to worship power and prestige. He embraced sinners and lepers with gentleness and forgiveness when society was accustomed to social hierarchy and an eye for an eye vengeance. Jesus didn’t appear like anything that they thought a messiah should look like so they shunned him, mocked him, and spat at him. There’s no way that would have happened had they seen clearly – without their judgments discoloring reality.

It makes me wonder how my own perspective alters my perception during the times when the lens in which I view others is pointed at myself instead of trying to understand them. I bet there’s a good bit I miss or misconstrue. Maybe certain words didn’t intend to hurt. Perhaps what I perceived as lacking was intended with great love. Undoubtedly, the hurt I hold onto distorts how much of the picture I am able to see.

It makes me think of the words in the Prayer of Saint Francis:

O Divine master grant that I may
Not so much seek to be consoled as to console
To be understood, as to understand.

When God created us in his image, I suppose he knew that one day we would be turning the camera on ourselves to capture it in cute, clever, or in my case, clumsy ways.  All I know is that when I seek to understand others first, my viewpoint changes in a way that unlike a selfie makes everything look better.

Hi all: This post ran as an Op-ed in this past Sunday’s Florida Times-Union. I am grateful for their openness to running articles about faith.

I love the prayer of St. Francis. Seeking to understand others instead of fighting so hard to be understood can completely change the dynamic of our relationships. When we focus on others we aren’t so consumed with ourselves. For me, all of the terrible selfies I took trying to appear fun and cute remind me of that. It’s better to just eat ice cream and carry on with love and service and selflessness.

Have a wonderful and safe 4th of July, sweet friends! ~ Love, Lara

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4 thoughts on “Selfie: Seeking to Understand

  • July 6, 2021 at 9:24 am

    Now the end one is a good selfie. Let’s go to Dreamette. Liked the post.

    • July 8, 2021 at 10:30 am

      I would love that!

  • June 29, 2021 at 6:55 am

    This is terrific that it is being published in the Times Union. This is a great morning prayer along with the Morning Offering. Say a Hail Mary when you see a fire truck or ambulance. (Console)
    Be patient when you re on the road, (understand) you never know what the person in the car ahead is dealing with.

    • June 30, 2021 at 11:17 am

      So true, Joanne! There are so many simple ways to do these works of mercy and love your examples. My Granny taught me about the ambulance and praying and what beautiful legacy she left (among others!) But its always those simple things that make a difference. And when it comes to understanding we can save ourselves so many wounds by just trying to understand another person’s viewpoint!

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